Blood and Bloody Ashtrays

by A Farewell Device

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released August 14, 2015

All Songs Written by Justin Vanegas except:
“Fire Dancer” by Justin Vanegas / Jessica Hartmann
“Marsha” and “Tragic World” by Justin Vanegas / Tyler Fernandez / Fred Zhang

All instruments and vocals by Justin Vanegas except:
Drums - Jason Bolich
Piano - Ricky Marasigan
Guitar Solo on “Tragic World” - Stephen Petersen
Guitar Solos on “Weigh Station” - Kurt Brown
Violins and Background Vocals on “Marsha” - Judy Cruces
Background Vocals on “Marsha” - Maia “Papaya” Wiitala

“Hey Jon” Cast (in order of appearance)
Solos 1 and 2 - Stephen Petersen
“Tyler” - Cameron Cheney
“Dan” and Guitar Solo - Nick Redmond
“Marcy” and Violin Solo - Judy Cruces
Guitar Solo - Kurt Brown

Produced, Mixed and Mastered by Justin Vanegas and Stephen Petersen

Drums Recorded at Hillside Recorders, Hayward, CA
Everything else recorded in Justin’s apartment in Alameda.

Photography by Ricky Marisigan
Cover and Back Photoshop by Ashlynn Danielsen



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A Farewell Device Oakland, California

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Track Name: Therapy
I know you probably think this song is for you.
I won't say that's vain. It's not all that far from the truth.
The fact we often forget is 'for' and 'about' are two different words.
And with you this one's the later.

Empty pages stare up at me.
I'm aware of how they should read and so are you.
Behind these blue lines, a lie said hundreds of times.
I'm just a friend.

Welcome to my therapy.
Just another ploy to pass the time.
If you're looking for meaning, you're gonna have to look inside.

All these years I've spent watching you perfect the art
of selling yourself short, I noticed
all the boys who make you scream
all kinda sound like....

And now to the point
that we've been avoiding.
Straight to the point.
Maybe not.
And now to the point
we've been dancing around.
Track Name: Fire Dancer
Tell me everything’s okay,
But I have to disagree.
When you leave the room
I bellow to the walls how wrong you are.

Refuse to understand why we deviate
From the best laid plans of fools
Too naïve to comprehend the simple truth

So get me drunk and light me on fire.
spin me round until I smolder fire dancer.
You turn me on with lies and desires.
Then I’m run into the ground
so you can say that I’m the tease.

Little girl so young and pure
until your glass comes into port.
And you let everybody taste
what I thought was mine to hold.

Still I’m saturated with you
One more kiss and then we’re through.
Words repeated every night.
At this point I guess this is just my life.

Casually you slip me off and on without understanding why.
I’m powerless with what I know we could have been.
I don’t want to burn. I don’t want to be the meteor chained to you.
I don’t want you, but I need you to want me like I need this…
Track Name: Marsha
She finds herself wasting time
Tears rolling down her face
She cries for help hand in mine
I'm kissing saving grace

She's too afraid to take my hand and run away
Not enough sense to take my hand and run away

Girl always don't know what
to say when I'm leaving.
"Don't go yet." I have to.
I'm sorry. It's no use.

So let's take away everything that you should be,
cause now it's time to have a date with destiny.
Track Name: NxNW
3 A.M. and I'm staring the screen.
Pictures fly by of Rodenberry's dream.
But these star ships and super heroes never bring me
the answers to a million questions and one memory.

Get nostalgic like Ben missing the war.
Nobody died but the loss is on the floor.
Three years of ringing ears leave me at the door
with just one hand drawn emblem we should've done more.

I can't say I know what's on my mind.
I can't let go of these sleepless nights.
Even if it's just my favorite lie.

A northwest downpour drives me in to find
an east bay angel I knew in another life.
Brown eyes, fluorescent lights keep me from the storm.
As I caffeinate I forgot your name but I remember so much more.

I can't say I know what's on my mind.
I can't let go of these sleepless nights.
And I'll say forever that we're just fine.
Even if it's just my favorite lie.
Track Name: Tragic World
What do you do when there's no one to turn to?
Abandon all faith ye who enter.
This tragic world seeks only those who
can hear what's never said.

Whisper in my ear.
Tell it to my face.
You don't sound so sincere.
Tell it to my face.

Am I destined to walk amongst the damned?
Can you see me?
I'm bruised and broken.
My clothes tattered.
Torn up beyond belief.

Damn this curse that's laid upon me.
Destined to be alone tonight.
Searching for the one and only answer to my prayers.

Whisper in my ear.
Tell it to my face.
You don't sound so sincere.
Tell it to my face.

Whisper in my ear.
Tell it to my face.
You don't sound so sincere.
Get me out of this place.
Track Name: Weigh Station
23 years pass by in this quiet town where I pretend I'm still alive.
Daily going through the motions I've learned. Over-rehearsal always has a price.
As the days go by my friends keep getting younger. Always in the dust I'm left with only the memories of all these missed opportunities of mine.

41 days into another year and what do I behold before me? An angel in disguise.
Nightly rendezvous always end the same. Lying silently next to my prize.
I know it's true we've both been through a lot, but what the hell baby let's give it a shot. Maybe you'll be my reason for flight.

Because I've been living on the inside of this roadside hot spot with neon signs saying that someday I'll get lost then maybe we can get on with life.
I'm stuck in this reverse drive. The same old headlights rush by. Remind me why I'm the captive of no one but fear and this cold twilight.

365 days pass by and now it's time for you to get on with your life.
I know we planned to get out of here but I'm starting to think I'm always meant to live this lie.
No reason to cry we both know that something's missing from this picture and besides I always told you not to count on me.

All your friends say that I'm just holding back.
I think that you should listen.
You're not the first to try to give me the green light.
You're just the latest and the greatest of my weigh stations.
I'm just a.
You're just a.
We're just the latest in a long line of....
What are we? Again.
I'm just a.
You're just a.
We're just the latest in a long line of
Track Name: What the Hell is an L3?
Walked down the street in 2003,
looking for nothing but to escape
from locks on the doors and talk of the war
repetitive soundtrack to our coming of age.

To tell the truth, I still believed
in the promises made about where I'd be

Turning into view, your t-shirt was blue,
your brown eyes shone across the Oakland street.
Next thing I know, walked into the show
Not searching for answers, just your name.

How was I supposed to see
that a Saturday night under those hot lights
would be the death of me?

And I won’t ever say
“Take me back to those long days”
But you can bet your life if the choice was mine
Not a second I’d hesitate
to get back those nights

Three songs in with a shit-eating grin,
I stumble through sounds that I think mean “hi”.
Your smile I see and your friends all leave
to chat up a drummer and smoke out the night.

I’ve heard that it was plain to see
right from the start that you had my heart
Date of purchase: 08/03

From the Jack Slap Cheers of Cancun to Karate always slow
Picture frames show damsels undercover lovers know
That the one regret I have is that I couldn’t say back then
That I was yours with a smile, for six hours life made sense.
Track Name: Gracie Clover
Waking up with Ramona
Sunrise over Elm
Bishop valley’s carona
Mustangs shadowed in hills

We’re classified “maybe
someday we’ll align”
Summers spent in a daydream
Then winter and back to our lives

10AM and hung over
I pass her the cream
Says her name’s Gracie Clover
Green eyed suburban queen

Young souls lost in the valley
Lonely hearts far from home
Legends at faking happy
So none of us know

This feels all too easy
forgetting the past.
In love if just briefly
For six months it’s a gas.

Then I take her back home
to the halls that I roamed
and stumbled through as a teen.
Mr. Lo in the back,
Tyler picking up slack,
Joe and Chuck nowhere to be seen.

As I drink my fifth beer,
What are you doing here?
This is Gracie. Is this just a dream?
Cue up one last big fight
Consequence of the night
I awake alone to find
you found Joey,
so I’ll just lay here.
Track Name: Curses and Crossings
What they say is true.
If you can’t beat ‘em, try to repeat what they do.
Who you want to be
isn’t important to the gods driving the machine
Fifteen minutes late
another year alone with homework and meaningless dates.

When the only means of escape
from other's happiness,
is to dive into work till you hate
the very thing that makes you

Stay up late to avoid
dreaming of the life that you've already lost
Curse the fates that always
hold you up when life’s roads finally cross

So now you spend your weeks
head down, designing plastic American dreams
Turn farms into tracts
Sell ‘em to those unaware of the debt on their backs

Now the only means of escape
from the guilt of your deficiency
just keep cashing their checks, now you hate
the very thing that makes you
Track Name: Hey Jon
Hey Jon, you should know that Joey he fucked up.
I’ll keep it short. We’re leaving tonight.
Marcy she’s crying alone, she’ll need someone strong.
I’m telling you tonight, don’t be her white knight.

You’ll have your chance to make up the lost time.
Don’t move too fast on her broken heart.
she needs a friend, not some cliche story
Be that and tell Dan I’ll be back. Goodbye.

Hey Jon, quick message from Tyler he says get a move on.
It’s been a year. You both deserve a good night.
And I have to agree the two of you pop off the screen.
Seven years too long to keep this inside.

Take a chance this might be the right time
to make it last. Make up for lost time.
Six long years erased in the bright lights
tonight. See you both at nine. Goodbye.

Hey Jon, just wanted to say can’t wait for our date
Too many nights of late you’re not by my side.
I understand your work means the world to your plans
Just don’t forget it takes more than money to survive.

I know you’re scared of the future so am I.
There’s no such thing as prepared in life.
No matter what I’ll be by your side.
It’s 12:05. I love you. See you tonight.

Hey Jon, I heard about your plans to propose tonight.
I’m sorry but I’ve got real bad news.

A drunk in a Mustang and sky blue Camry
Collided today northbound on 680
First time in my life I don’t know what to say.
Hey Jon. I’m sorry. She’s gone. Goodbye.